When a Father Forsakes His Child

My pastor husband is a word guy; lately, he’s been thinking about the words forsake and forsaken. One or the other of those words is used 122 times in the ESV Bible. The more common word used today is abandon. You may remember Jesus as He hung on the cross with the sin of the world weighing Him down, saying, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34)

Some people say that Jesus was never forsaken by His Father; it just felt to Him like He was. He who knew no sin became sin for us (2 Corinthians 5:21). Jesus’ act of salvation was God’s will, and while He did not sin, He willingly took upon Himself the sin of the whole world. He became the sin, guilt, and shame of everyone in the world. To suffer the true consequence of that sin, He had to die carrying it within Himself. He was the only sinful human being in that moment and because of that, was forsaken by His Father, who could have nothing to do with sin.

We live in a society where many people think mothers are the most important parent, and fathers are nice, but kids will be fine without them. I cannot help but strongly disagree with that idea. I was blessed to have a wonderful and loving dad. I can’t imagine growing up without his influence.

God created men and women differently and has given them different roles that cannot be easily swapped or taken over by the other. They teach children different things, or similar things from different perspectives. Each parent carries unique genetic predispositions, body chemistry, the nurturing environments in which each was raised, and hormones. Hormones are a game changer between males and females because each perceives, approaches, and deals with life differently. A father teaches a boy to accept responsibility for his behavior, appropriately stand up for himself and his wife, respect himself and women, have a good work ethic, and what it means to be honorable from a male perspective. He teaches a girl to be beautiful inside and out, respect herself and others, have personal boundaries in personal relationships, be strong and assertive as long as she’s kind, and that she is valuable and should not think of herself as less than she is from a male perspective. It is not a question of who is better for a child. If that is the question, the answer is both. It’s not that mothers cannot teach these things. They can and should, from the female perspective.

What does it do to a child when the father forsakes them or leaves?

This is a touchy thing to talk about because today we have an epidemic of kids being raised by women or primarily by women, whether by choice or life circumstances. Whether both parents are involved or not, the majority of parents want their kids to be or become faith-filled, well-rounded, emotionally stable people, which requires an understanding of God’s design for masculinity and femininity in a very confused world. It also requires putting their children before themselves. Not only that, but we’ve convinced ourselves that kids are resilient. If they seem to be okay on the outside, we assume they must be okay on the inside. After all, people don’t consciously miss what they never knew. But internally, all kids want both a mom and a dad, and all kids need a male role model in their lives. Why? Because that’s how God created us: Adam and Eve. The first children had both a mother and a father for a reason.

The majority of single moms work very hard to raise their children, and not having an active father in their kids’ lives is not their ideal situation either. However, some men are not in a place where they can be good fathers. That is a decision that must be made for the sake of the kids. This article is not about encouraging the presence of a man at all costs. Rather, it’s about the need for and lack of good Christian fathering. It’s about encouraging parents to find a way to work around the brokenness in the world. There are things a single mom can do to make sure her kids have a consistent father figure or male role model to fulfill the needs of both her sons and daughters. These roles can be fulfilled by men who can be consistently in the children’s lives over time, such as uncles, grandfathers (fathers-in-law), brothers-in-law, or perhaps male mentors in the church. Also, God is the perfect example of a good father. He knows everything about your children, is consistent, provides their physical needs and behavioral guidance, disciplines His children as needed for their sake, comforts them, and will never stop loving them, even when they rebel against Him. The Bible is a powerful book!

If you find that you’re a father who has drifted away from your children for any reason, be encouraged that they are still your children and you are still their father. There is forgiveness to be asked for and given if you reach out to them and slowly work to regain their trust as you regain your fatherhood.

Jesus hung on the cross, a crown of thorns on his head, nails through His hands and feet, filled with the sin of the world. He chose this for our sake. He knows what it feels like to be a human cut off from the Father, His Father, even if only for a few moments. Children need their fathers. They play a unique and important role in their lives.

If you are a child who feels, or has been, abandoned by your father, pray:

Heavenly Father, I know you are the best and perfect dad. I know that you want me to grow up to be a faith-filled, well-rounded, emotionally stable person, and I want that too. I miss not having a dad (or miss my dad). Only you know what I need, and I ask that you bring my father back into my life, or someone else to fulfill that need. I pray that whoever you choose loves you, is a man I can trust, and is willing to help me become the man/woman you want me to be. I ask this in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.

If you are a father separated from your kids, pray:

Lord, I ask you to be a father to my kids, as I cannot. They need a man to show them what it means to be a man/woman of God, live a life focused on their faith, and listen, help, encourage, and discipline them in Your love so that they grow to be faith-filled, well-rounded, emotionally stable people that live in Your light and Your grace. Please help their mother find them a good substitute for what I cannot do. If it be your will that I can be that father, help me to grow to become the man you want me to be, and teach me to be more like you. I ask this in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.

If you are a single mother who is bringing up children, pray:

Lord, you know everything that happens in our lives and how hard it is to raise children without a God-loving husband and father. I ask that you choose and point me to someone who can provide my child(ren) the paternal guidance that I can’t so that they grow to be faith-filled, well-rounded, emotionally stable people who live in Your grace and show Your light to others. I know you love my children even more than I do and have someone in mind for this task. Thank you for loving all of us and providing everything we need. I ask this in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.

If you know a single mother who is bringing up children, pray:

Heavenly Father, You have given us families. They include two parents, male and female by your design. In our broken and sinful world, we have broken your families. Please help me encourage (name) to know that her children need a male role model to become faith-filled, well-rounded, emotionally stable people who live in Your grace. Show me how I can help (name) and others in this situation, and help them to be open to being helped. I ask this in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.

By Laura Langhoff Arndt