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Making a New Year's Resolution? Not so fast...
There’s not one of us who lives a dream life without problems or disappointments, unless we’re actually asleep. At some point, everyone has their heart broken, has been fired, has trouble paying bills, or has just made stupid choices or done things they regret, and isn’t sure how to fix them. Though we rarely want to admit it, whether we’re married or not, have a bunch of friends or not, or are alone on a holiday or not, we’ve felt lonely. Our negative feelings are a part of the human condition since the fall of Adam and Eve. That doesn’t mean it’s easy or desirable. We always want and try to fix ourselves. So, what do we do? We make New Year’s Resolutions!
We often think that if we change one or two things at the beginning of the year, it will give us the will to follow through for the rest of the year and make life better. Some people make the same resolutions every year, but they also discover they can’t keep them every year. The truth is, however, that because we are sinners who live in a sinful world, we rarely keep those resolutions, and they don’t often make our lives better. We want to be healthier, and so we go full throttle on a new diet and exercise program for a week, maybe a month, but the momentum usually wanes. We want to cook healthier food for our family, and so we pack better lunches and pin a bunch of new recipes on Pinterest, but then life gets in the way, and we slide back into our old, easier habits. Maybe next year.
I have a different philosophy. Throw away the New Year’s Resolutions and change your thinking to IT’S A NEW DAY, EVERY DAY! You know why this works? I can change my diet and eat better for a day, but a year is overwhelming. I try to walk outside or get on my treadmill every other day, so I tell myself that if I take a walk or get on my treadmill today, I don’t have to do it tomorrow. Then, tomorrow I tell myself the same thing. That way, if I end up missing a day for some reason, it’s okay, I’ll do it tomorrow. I can even fail and not feel like a failure. For example, I have a college friend whom I meet at the Cheesecake Factory at least once a year. I don’t eat healthy there, but I don’t beat myself up because, with the new philosophy, I get up the next day and eat healthier than I did yesterday at the Cheesecake Factory, which isn’t too hard. In Anne of Green Gables, Anne Shirley said, “Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it!” Well, tomorrow is always a new day to do something differently with or without mistakes—no resolutions needed.
Another reason I believe people should start new EVERY DAY, not every year, is that that’s how God deals with us. I don’t need to commit myself to following Him perfectly, because He forgives me every time I repent, which is not an annual event. Every day I can get up and say, “Lord, I’m with you. What are we going to do today? Help me make decisions that are wise for me, and please you.” Every night I can go to bed knowing that He still loves me, apologize for my failures, and try to do better tomorrow.
If you want to be healthier, wake up, commit to wise food choices today, and do the same tomorrow. When we fail, we will start again the next day or even the next meal. Every healthy day we have is better than an unhealthy day. If we have three good days and then two that aren’t so good, we don’t have to beat ourselves up. Walking around the block once or getting on the treadmill for 10 minutes is better than not doing it at all.
This applies to your spiritual life, too. How many times have you told yourself that you want to start reading the Bible more, praying regularly and with your kids, going to church more often, attending adult Bible class, or getting your kids to Sunday School? When we focus more on Jesus and others, we feel better about ourselves, and the pressures of the world become less important. Simply stated, when we have greater inner peace, we'll have greater outer peace. If you need a few ideas for things you can add or change in this area, try one or two of the following:
- Focus more on what you have with your family than on what you don't have. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude by talking about the highs and lows of the day, thanking God for the gifts, and asking for help with the challenges. Don't just be thankful for gifts that are things. God also provides peace, faith, emotional security, etc., when we trust that they're there and take time to recognize them.
- Pray for others the same things you pray for your family. Pray that God strengthen their faith, give them wisdom, courage, and joy in Him, and that the Spirit fill them with the knowledge of His love for them. Take walks through your neighborhood, either alone or with the family, to pray for your neighbors.
- Read a short family devotion before dinner or bed.
- Remind each other of your faith in everyday conversation. Everyone should feel better when they are reminded how much God loves them!
- Share your faith journey with your kids. Help them see that faith is a life-long journey that gets stronger with time. It grows like a plant when fed and watered.
- Turn off the car radio and use that time to talk about God and life, noticing all the wonders in the world that show us how much God loves us.
- Suggest uplifting music and TV shows. The music we listen to, and the movies or TV shows we watch, can have a profound effect on how we behave and on whether we determine something is right or wrong, whether we're adults or kids.
So, throw away those meaningless New Year’s Resolutions that are so hard to keep and start telling yourself it’s A NEW DAY, EVERY DAY!
Laura Langhoff Arndt is an author and teacher of the faith with an MA in Classroom Instruction and is the Director of Christian Education certification in the LCMS. She is the founder of the blog, Carpenter’s Ministry Toolbox.
Change is Good
Life never goes smoothly. There are always bumps in the road. A new year is a great time to look backward and forward. Sometimes, if we look back honestly, there are things from the past year we can both appreciate and learn from. Maybe it’s time to take another path.
Perhaps, over the past year, you have consistently made the same mistakes, reacted badly in certain situations, or have some bad habits you can’t seem to break. Most of these things we can only see in hindsight, which is why it’s helpful for us to look back. Much of the time, however, we beat ourselves up for our mistakes and don’t realize that we can change. Successful change, however, is not about willpower but about being realistic about who we are, what we believe, and what we say to ourselves. What does that mean?
Realistically, we are ALL broken children of God. Sinful people make mistakes in every area of their lives. That’s us. It’s also those we come in contact with. Realizing this helps us keep things in perspective and not overreact when something unexpected goes wrong with someone else. We also have pride that often overwhelms our wisdom. Pride keeps us from apologizing when we should, makes us always want to be the best or better than others, and pushes us to be defensive instead of humbly listening and discussing issues. Another challenge we face is our resistance to learning from God’s law and the people He puts in our lives. We want to do what we want to do, and from childhood, we don’t like people telling us what to do, even if it’s God. We tend to justify, rationalize, and defend against it. The problem is that God’s Commandments are far more helpful to us than we realize. God’s teachings aren’t just about how He wants us to live, but also about living better and happier and trusting Him.
Keeping these things in mind, looking back can help us move forward in positive ways. Practicing and teaching these things within your family will improve your family dynamics. If you’re thinking about changing something in your family or for yourself in the new year, I have a few helpful tips for you.
- 1) Get comfortable with repenting to God and others, and being forgiven. When God forgives, He forgets. While we don’t forget, we forgive so that we can put it behind us and move on. Repenting, though it requires humility, also grows our faith, mends and changes relationships, and changes our hearts and souls for the better. Looking back, you might see a few times when repenting or forgiving someone or something in your life would have benefited you and them. This is beneficial for both parents and children, and all relationships.
- 2) Make use of the practical side of God’s 10 Commandments. God didn’t give them only to keep his disobedient children in line. He gave them because He knows that following them will help us make better choices when the devil, the world, and our sinful selves give us bad advice. For example, looking back, you may remember a time when you said hateful things to someone in anger (7th commandment), watched or let your children watch TV shows with graphic sexual content (6th commandment), or posted negative things about someone online (8th commandment). If you want to keep your life less complicated, think about why God gave us these commands before you act. God says, “Don’t do this. They will make your life less happy.” Psalm 119:92-93 shares how beneficial God’s law is: If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your rules, for by them you have preserved my life. While following God’s law may seem restrictive, it has great practical benefits!
- 3) Remember that God’s time is not our time. God is the only one who knows the future. Sometimes, even if we pray, He allows things to happen to us for reasons we can’t and won’t understand. Keep praying and remind yourself that God truly does what is best for us in HIS time. Trust Him. Solomon reminds us in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” And ‘The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps (Proverbs 16:9).”
- 4) Praying changes lives. Talking to God regularly, asking for His guidance, and opening yourself up to His will for your life brings inner change, peace, and joy. He wants you to be happy in following and trusting Him, because when you do, you live in His light and His blessing. James reminds us (5:16): Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
Change Really Is Good For Us
We all resist change. We feel comfortable in a rut. We think we know what to expect. Some even believe that the earth itself should not change or has always been the way it is. The older we get, it seems the less we embrace change, but when we recognize that something in our life isn’t working, we can change. Change, when considered and approached slowly and thoughtfully, is often a good thing for us mentally, emotionally, and physically. Concerning our faith, we should look forward to it because it indicates that we are being transformed more and more into the image of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18). As you look backward and think forward, consider Isaiah 43:18; the Lord himself says to the people, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” In The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, we are reminded how the devil would love us to get too comfortable, distracted, and stuck in our old ways so that we don’t move forward. Change is good, and God invites us to change, but the devil prefers as little change as possible so that he can gradually lead us into apathy.
There’s a popular definition of insanity that says, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” You don’t need a drastic change. We can all take one step forward or sideways to get out of a rut that isn’t serving us well. Live there for a while, get comfortable, and take another step. No resolutions necessary, Happy New Year!
In Every Issue
Family Ministry Idea: Change in the Family
Change is good for a family, too. If you don't have family dinners together at least a few times a week, try it. You'll be surprised at how positively it'll change your family dynamics. If this is new for your family, try sharing your highs and lows from the day or week, and make "I don't know," "Nothing," or "Fine" off-limits responses. Kids, especially teens, will participate more if parents share as well. To warm things up, always start with light, humorous questions. Try family discussion cards or family Bible trivia questions to get things going.
Variations: Each person chooses a card with their question. If you want, roll a die to see who starts, and then go around the table and let people ask their questions. Once somebody has an answer, ask, "What did you think it was?" You may get some humorous responses. Once people relax into it, it can be a lot of fun for people of all ages.
Helpful websites: Logos 100 Bible Trivia Questions, 301 Bible Trivia Questions & Answers, Bible Trivia Challenge Cards, 100 Bible Trivia Game Cards, Family Discussion Cards
Family Prayer
Heavenly Father,
We have a new year, but the old continues. We ask that you continue to provide us with all that we need and remind us of what we may want, but don't need. Please send your Spirit to grow our faith that we may trust you more, knowing that you know us better than anyone else. Remind us daily that the future is in your hands. We pray in Jesus’ name, Amen.